


Alone

by CoolDoggo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression, basically Viktor is depressed and Yuri tries to take care of him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 21:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12491444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoolDoggo/pseuds/CoolDoggo
Summary: Sometimes Viktor gets horribly depressed, but he learns he doesn't have to deal with it alone.





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted to write vikturio fluff while i wrote my *other* vikturio fluff so here u go enjoy.

Viktor walks through the door, looking more immaculate than he has any right to after a long day, a long week. He comes home wearing that fake-ass smile of his, acting overly jubilant over nothing. He comes home, and immediately sweeps Yuri up, showering him in love and affection. Yuri’s heart sinks. This song and dance, he knows it all too well. As much as he loves being in Viktor’s arms, as much as he loves feeling treasured by him, it’s only nice when it’s genuine, and not this contrived bullshit. So Yuri immediately pulls out of Viktor’s embrace, looks at him with worry flashing through his eyes, forgoes the usual pleasantries and says, “Cut the bullshit. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong! Everything is fine! I just really love you and am happy to see you is all!” He feigns confusion, as if he has no clue what Yuri’s talking about. 

Yuri narrows his eyes, shooting him a look of  _ that’s bullshit and you know it _ . Everything’s wrong. Nothing’s fine. That much is obvious, if it wasn’t already apparent by Viktor’s chipper voice, impersonal grin, and the hint of utter exhaustion Yuri can detect behind the glossed over enthusiasm in his eyes. “You’re lying right now, aren’t you?”

Immediately, Viktor frowns, and looks slightly offended by the accusation, offended by the audacity of partner to call him out on his little white lies. “What makes you say that?” His voice still remains falsely chipper, and fabricated happiness of it grates on Yuri’s ears. 

“You always put on that fake smile when you’re horribly depressed, don’t even try to deny it. The worse off you are, the more you try to exaggerate it.” Yuri pauses, crossing his arms as he quickly tries to figure out how to word the next part, “You talk to me like you don’t even know me, like I’m some random interviewer interviewing you for a magazine or some shit. So damn impersonal. I  _ know _ that’s not how you talk to me, you only talk to me like that when you’re lying about your feelings. So please, tell me what’s wrong. Stop lying to me.” He knows his voice sounds desperate, pathetic even toward the end, but that’s only because he  _ is _ .

Now it’s Viktor’s turn to narrow his eyes at Yuri. “Why are you accusing me of this? I’m happy! Everyone was commenting on how happy I’ve been lately! Everything is  _ fine _ .”

God, how stupid are the people in VIktor’s life to see that for the past week he’s been lying through his teeth? How can they be so blind? It’s either they are blissfully ignorant of how Viktor suffers in silence, or they are willfully ignorant because they don’t want to actually deal with Viktor, real Viktor, who really isn’t always the most pleasant person. The thought of that alone makes Yuri’s blood boil.

But it’s pointless to get Viktor to concede. He won’t admit something’s wrong, he never does. “Fine! Everything is fine!” Yuri snaps back, “Excuse me for caring.” It’s an instant regret the moment the words leave his mouth. Patience has never been his strong suite, and he rues each and every time his temper gets the better of him and he ends up yelling at Viktor when really, that’s the last thing he should be doing. 

Yuri doesn’t bother waiting for Viktor to respond, because he just  _ knows _ the minute Viktor says anything back, he’ll end up snapping again. He just sulks off to their room in a huff, and tries his best to ignore the gnawing feeling in his chest of how goddamn insulted and insignificant he feels when Viktor can’t even be honest with him and admit he’s sad. Honesty. That’s all he wants. Honesty and the ability, the privilege, to support Viktor just as he’s supported him all these years throughout their relationship. 

But whatever, if Viktor wants to shut him out like that, then there’s nothing he can do, and the thought of that makes him seethe with how useless he feels. 

Viktor doesn’t chase after him when Yuri sulks off to their room, nor does he really say anything when Yuri comes out a while later and states that he’s the one making dinner tonight. 

“Oh? What are you making?” Is all he asks, still in his fake, impersonal voice. 

“Something you’ll like,” Yuri says back before walking into the kitchen. If Viktor refuses to let him provide emotional support, then he’ll just have to show he cares in other ways. It’s a small gesture, making his favorite meal, but it’s one he hopes will say _I’m sorry you’re sad and I wish you’d let me help you more than this because I love you very much but you’re a stubborn asshole who would never admit when you’re sad_ _so this is all I can do for you_.

Of course, as Yuri is chopping carrots, the thought of all the stupid, ignorant people in Viktor’s life comes to his mind. How can they not see that Viktor is clearly depressed out of his mind? And Yuri suspects it’s just been building up. How can they not realize that Viktor is fooling them all? It doesn’t fool him, it’s never fooled him. And stupid, stubborn Viktor, refusing to admit he could use some help. Yuri gets it, he does. Viktor’s been in the public eye, held in such high regard for so long that he’s expected to be flawless, but it still makes him grind his teeth in utter frustration. They’ve been together for how long now? Viktor’s seen him at all kinds of low points, and goddamnit, Yuri just wants to repay the favor.

The more Yuri mulls upon it, the more he works himself up again over it, and soon enough he’s chopping so aggressively he’s sending carrots flying across the kitchen. 

But soon enough, somehow, dinner is ready to be served with a minimal amount of angry mishap, and when Viktor sees what Yuri has made, his eyes light up slightly before he says, “Oh, you didn’t have to go through the trouble of this!”

The slight flicker of genuine delight in Viktor’s eyes makes Yuri’s heart flutter in his chest. “Oh shut up, I wanted to.”  _ And I just want you to feel a little better _ . 

Neither Viktor nor Yuri say much while they eat. Viktor looks tired as they do, and he’s no longer wearing that awful fake grin of his. Perhaps Viktor realized it’s pointless to keep up the disguise around Yuri, that he’ll always see right through it, much to Viktor’s chagrin. Still, it’s progress at least, but Yuri knows better than to say anything. The last thing he wants to do is send Viktor back into game of charades, because then he’ll just end up snapping at him again, which does neither of them any good. 

After he’s done eating, Viktor goes to get up and clean up the mess Yuri’s made in the kitchen, but before he can get up, Yuri grabs his hand and says, “Don’t. I’ll clean up tonight.”

“But you cooked, so it’s my job to clean up.”

Yuri gives him a look, a look which states his mind is already made up and they would not be arguing over this. “Well tonight, I’m cleaning up. Go relax in the bath or something.”

Again, Vitkor looks exhausted, exhausted, but glad that he’s been relieved of cleaning duty. “Thanks,” Yuri hears him mumble.

“Whatever, it’s fine. Go take your bath and leave some hot water for me.”

As shitty as it is that Viktor feels so terrible, Yuri’s just glad he’s no longer trying to blatantly hide it, even if he won’t outright ask for help or admit he might need some extra love and care. 

Later, they both sit in the living room together, each of them doing their own thing and neither of them talking to one another. It’s a moment of neither of them knowing what to say to each other, neither willing to approach the elephant in the room of Viktor’s looming depression. Yuri knows he’ll be denied, and Viktor is unwilling to acknowledge it. 

“I’m going to bed. Coming?” Yuri eventually says. He looks at Viktor, eyes pleading for him to come to bed with him so he can snuggle him until he feels slightly less crappy, but Viktor shakes his head.

“Go on without me. I’ll be there later.”

“Fiiiine,” Yuri whines, dejected. “But don’t stay up too late.”

What Yuri really means is  _ I can’t sleep without you so please come to bed soon _ .

Viktor, unfortunately, seems to have forgotten that little fact, and does not come to bed soon. Yuri lays in bed, tossing and turning for what seems like forever, growing steadily irritated that Viktor has not come to bed yet. After falling asleep and waking up after a brief fifteen minute stint for what feels like the upteenth time since he’s laid down, Yuri decides he’s going to drag Viktor’s ass to bed whether he likes it or not. 

Yuri makes his way to the living room, and all of his hopes of dragging Viktor back to bed with him are dashed when he hears the sound of...crying? Was Viktor crying? He walks into the living room, and his heart shatters when he sees Viktor curled up against the side of the couch, sobbing into a throw pillow. 

“Oh, Vitya…” Yuri whispers as he crawls onto the couch next to Viktor.

“Yuri! Where’d you come from?” Viktor yells as he jumps slightly, “I thought you went to bed.” 

Yuri nonchalantly shrugs. “Couldn’t sleep. Now tell me, what’s wrong? And I swear to God if you say you’re fine…” 

Viktor aggressively wipes away tears and sniffles, as if he’s trying to hide the evidence that he’s been crying to no avail. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to see me like this,” he mumbles, burying his face into the throw pillow he’s been crying into the the past who knows how long. 

Yuri decides he’s not having any of that bullshit. He slowly peels the pillow away from Viktor’s face, exposing his tear-stained cheeks and his puffy, red eyes. How long has Viktor been crying here, alone? Yuri decides it doesn’t matter, he’s here now and he’ll be damned if he leaves Viktor alone to wallow in his misery. 

“That’s bullshit,” He says, “You’ve seen me cry plenty of times. Now please, tell me, what’s wrong?” 

“You were right before. I’m not fine. Everything is not fine,” Viktor blubbers out, wiping freshly shed tears out of his eyes, “I don’t know why. I don’t know what’s wrong. Everything should be fine, but it’s  _ not _ .” 

“Shh...it’s okay, love.” Comforting people isn’t particularly a talent of Yuri’s, but he crawls into Vitkor’s lap and gently embraces him, holding him close

Viktor takes the initiative and hugs Yuri back, hiding his face into his shoulder and sobs, apologizing as he does. 

“Don’t apologize, it’s fine, really,” Yuri says softly, running his fingers through Viktor’s hair in attempts to soothe him. “I just wish you wouldn’t lie to me.”

“I’m sorry. You really shouldn’t have to deal with me like this. I can deal with it on my own, I always have-”

“Stop right there,” Yuri demands, cutting him off and peeling Viktor away from his shoulder. He brushes Viktor’s bangs out his face and looks straight into his eyes. “We are partners. We’ve been together for how long now? A couple years maybe? How many times have you nursed me through my own bullshit? And it’s not like I haven’t seen you like this before, I know you get like this, I’ve seen you get like this, this isn’t news to me. It may be news to your friends, but it’s not to me.” He pauses and leans in to gently kiss Viktor’s forehead. “I want to be here for you. I know i’m not the most dependable or sympathetic person, I snap at you and yell a lot, but I want to be here for you. I’m only going to say this once, so don’t make me repeat myself, but I care about you a lot, okay?” 

It’s not long before Viktor’s crying all over again. “I don’t want to deal with this on my own anymore. I...I can’t deal with it on my own anymore.” 

“You don’t have to,” Yuri says to him, holding him close again and rubbing soothing motions onto his back, “I’m here for you, alright? I’ve always been here for you.”

“I...thank you, Yura,” Viktor mumbles into the crook of Yuri’s neck. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” 

If Viktor wasn’t currently crying into his shoulder, Yuri would shrug in response. “I don’t know. Dumb luck maybe.” 

“This is the best dumb luck that’s ever happened to me,” Viktor says with a bit of a quiet, breathy laugh. He can’t quite get over how naked he feels in the conversation, that Yuri’s always seen right through him, especially when no one else ever has. It’s a bit overwhelming, really.

“You’re the best dumb luck that’s ever happened to me too, and that’s why I want to be here for you, you stubborn asshole,” Yuri says, snuggling closer to him. 

“Thank you, Yura, really…”

“Anytime, love.” 

**Author's Note:**

> thank u for reading. <3 come say hi to me on tumblr!
> 
> Yuriyuu.tumblr.com


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